Judgments, Opinions and Assumptions are Happening Inside Us All the Time HOWEVER…

The trick is knowing when to share them and when to keep quiet and let your partner express themselves without giving your opinion, advice for action, or downgrading the emotional content. (i.e. “You’re overreacting”, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” “Why didn’t you say…” “I would have handled it differently.”) Instead, ASK RATHER THAN ASSUME. Ask…

Calming Down

Shallow breathing is an automatic physical response to anxiety and also increases anxiety.   When you are feeling uptight or anxious, you can consciously counteract it by slowing and deepening your breath. Inhale slowly counting to five.  Exhale slowly counting to five.   Calming your breath and allowing pauses between your inhalation and exhalation will have a…

Learn the Language of Secure Attachment.

Memorize these sentences and use them frequently!     “Here I am.”  “We’re a team.”    “We can work this out.”   “I’m IN!  I’m not going anywhere.”   “I’m here for you.”  “What do you need?”  “I’ll do my best to try to hear you and give you what you want.”     “ I value you.”  “You are important to…

Most fights and distress in relationships can be boiled down to a few core issues.

“I don’t feel loved.”  “I don’t feel connected.”   “I don’t feel safe with you.”  The longer we feel disconnected from each other, the more negative our interactions become.   Underneath most distress calls are protests over our feeling emotionally disconnected from each other.  The sooner you can address the true nature of your partner’s heart’s call,…

Be the captain, keep steering, don’t go down with the ship.

When our partner is ‘activated’ it’s easy to get our buttons pushed and go off our own deep end.    When the emotional waves get rough,  it is vital that the least activated partner remain steady and  hold  onto the BIGGER RELATIONSHIP PICTURE.   When your partner is drowning, throw your partner a life raft, don’t jump…