When you find yourself anxious or upset about something your partner did or didn’t do, STOP and take a 15- 30 minute break with a specific goal to first release the anxiety and tension and reconnect with yourself BEFORE attempting any problem- solving ‘let’s fix this’ conversations.
How Long of a Read: 3 minutes DO YOU LOVE YOUR PARTNER BUT IT FEELS LIKE YOU’RE MORE FRIENDS THAN LOVERS? Feeling more like roommates than lovers these days? You’re not alone. The number one challenge for many couples in long term relationships is learning how to stay intimately & romantically connected while managing the demands and distractions of everyday life. …
How Long of a Read: 4 minutes Relationship Rx: Dr. Sheri’s Prescriptions for Partners THE ROAD FROM SELF PROTECTION BACK TO CONNECTION Usually whatever we are fighting about can be boiled down to one of the following bottom lines: ‘I don’t feel loved.’ “I don’t feel heard.” “I don’t feel understood.” However, when we go into self-protection and fear, our…
Life may throw us for a loop sometimes but it is always within our power, to choose how we respond and where we put our focus. Changing your focal point, even for a few minutes can help you calm and get centered. Here’s a simple centering exercise: Allow one of your senses (sight, sound, smell,…
Our ‘Buttons’ are issue-oriented sensitivity triggers that form in our earlier developmental stages. When pushed, our earlier wiring takes over and we may find ourselves reacting and behaving in ways that are heart breaking vs. heart waking. Your sensitivity, reactivity and level of frustration show you where your work is! Think of this as a…
The theme of most power struggles is : How are we going to run our relationship.. your way or my way? It’s me versus you; there’s no US in sight. In this polarized ‘right and wrong’ – “I win, you lose” battling— the real loser is the relationship. Disengage by consciously choosing to take off…
Whether you’re having a minor disagreement or a substantial argument, our brain’s logical left side gets overwhelmed as the emotional right side screams THREAT! and floods us with anxious stress chemicals and primal fight or flight directives. In a blink, you may feel separated and disconnected and see your partner as an adversary on a…
If you find yourself stuck and frozen in your position… do this instead: Take 3 deep, cleansing breaths. Stand up and move TOWARDS your partner. Make eye contact and look into the pupil of his/her eyes. Say: “I’m here for you.”
You know the ones I’m talking about. The low self esteem generated ‘Am I enough?’ inquiries. The ONLY ‘get out of jail’ answer is to meet and greet these questions with a loving, supportive, affirming response. For example: Am I fat? “You look beautiful to me.” Am I sexy? “ALWAYS, TOTALLY!” Am I balding? “I…
No matter how boiling, burning or bitter you feel, you must have an ironclad agreement with each other to not yell at or berate each other. When you feel yourself raising your voice, STOP and tell yourself, “This will get me nowhere fast and will only make things worse.” Take a time out. Breathe slow…
