I’m your host, Dr. Sheri Meyers, and it is my pleasure to share with you the best of what’s available in the fields of relationship, love, sex, intimacy, infidelity, personal development, and self-help.
On this site, you’ll find video clips of my favorite guest appearances, informative and enlightening articles, excerpts from my TV shows, along with video answers to your most pressing concerns about relationships, communication, love, sex, and infidelity. The goal of this site is to give you effective, healing strategies for navigating through the changing world of love, technology and relationships in the 21st century.
This site is designed to be of service and help to you.
Enjoy the journey!
Marriage & Family Therapist, Author and Straight from the Heart TV host, Dr. Sheri Meyers is among the national media’s most frequently quoted and interviewed relationship, love, intimacy, and infidelity experts.
For over 30 years, Dr. Sheri’s compassionate, practical, straight talk and easy-to-apply methods have inspired and helped thousands of men and women face and overcome their most complex and daunting life, relationship, and sexual challenges.
Consequently, Dr. Sheri has become a highly sought-after expert for broadcast network news (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX), cable TV (Lifetime, CNN, E! Entertainment) and numerous television and radio entertainment and advice shows.
As a blogger and author, Dr. Sheri’s expertise and unique insights have helped thousands of people face and overcome their most complex relationship challenges with honesty, dignity, and love.
Start affair-proofing your relationship now!
Learn about the slippery slope of EMOTIONAL SEX
It used to be that affairs only happened at work, out of town, or otherwise outside the home.
But with the advent of cell phones, the Internet and social networking, it’s easier than ever to connect with anyone, anytime, right in the comfort of your living room.
The brain chemicals released from mere flirtations can be as addictive as drugs. Read more
Partners in safe and securely bonded relationships feel: “I can count on you to be there for me.” “I am known.” “I am loved and accepted.” “I count.” “You hear me.” “I belong here.”
To provide a sense of safety and grounding for each other, we first have to feel it within ourselves. Know thyself. Love thyself. Accept thyself.
Let’s face it; everybody needs to hear and know that they are loved. Find a way to show your love to your partner every day. You don’t have to wait until ‘the day is done’ to awaken your ‘lover’ energy.
You can ‘make love’ all day long.
Talking to each other is one the main tools we use to connect with each other. It’s how we extend ourselves and let our partner know who we are, what we need and how we feel. It’s important for the partnership to create an open passageway where each person can safely express themselves without fear of rejection or judgment. Mutual respect, trust and understanding come from our willingness to say our truth and allow our partner to do the same.
“Love cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.” -Dr. Karl Menninger
Researchers have found that people in happy, healthy relationships have less stress, better health, and are better able to deal with the challenges of life.
For example, celebrate your 100th or 1000th day together since the baby was born. Celebrate your firsts…such as the first day you first made love, or the day you started living together, or the day you first said, “I love you.” The sky’s the limit. Celebrate your love and LOVING each other regularly.
Be KIDS again. Have a day at the park. Fly a kite. Swing from the monkey bars. Slide down the BIG slide. Push each other on swings. Ride a tandem bike. Have a picnic of all your favorite goodies. And don’t forget the blanket.
The anger, the criticism, the demands, we express are really cries to our lovers, calls to stir their hearts, to draw our mates back in. We are trying to
reestablish a sense of safe connection. Unfortunately, fear breeds more fear. If you want love and closeness, BE the love you seek.
KEEP IN TOUCH. Doctors and researchers have found that hugging is good for your health and well being. Touching and being touched helps us to thrive. It takes little time to open our arms to one another with huge benefits. What a great way to strengthen your ability to give and receive affection, so give each other LOTS of warm hugs today.
What we focus on, grows.
“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” – Rumi
What kind of self-imposed conditions do you place on yourself or others BEFORE you allow your love to flow freely? Our hearts are happiest when we relax the rules and just allow ourselves to feel the love that is always there.”
The trick is knowing when to share them and when to keep quiet and let your partner express themselves without giving your opinion, advice for action, or downgrading the emotional content. (i.e. “You’re overreacting”, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” “Why didn’t you say…” “I would have handled it differently.”) Instead, ASK RATHER THAN ASSUME. Ask your partner what he or she needs from you. Make sure to ask if he/she would like your feedback or advice before giving it.
Talk about your wonderful and joyous feelings and the sad and lonely ones too. Anger, happiness and surprise are all states of being. They are not right or wrong, justified or unjustified. They do occur and are very real to the person experiencing them. Disclosing yourself, sharing your feelings (without blame) immediately brings you to a deeper level of connection with yourself and your partner.
The facts and feelings you choose to withhold from your partner paves the road towards disconnection; the feelings and facts you are willing to share, bring you closer.
The next time you want to hold back from sharing, ask yourself, “Am I moving toward or away from deeper intimacy right now?”
When times are hard, pay special attention to your body. Take care of it; relax it; be good to it.
Knowing how to self-soothe, how to relax and unwind can help you regain your inner balance and a more positive outlook on life.
Have an agreement in place that promises when issues arise, disagreements occur, you agree to not yell, scream or berate each other. Promise that no matter what you will be ‘NICE’ and RESPECTFUL.
Life may throw us for a loop sometimes but it is always within our power, to choose how we respond and where we put our focus. Changing your focal point, even for a few minutes can help you calm and get centered. Here’s a simple centering exercise: Allow one of your senses (sight, sound, smell, taste) to take center stage of your awareness. Choose something to focus exclusively on for two minutes (i.e. how a flower smells, how the mountaintops peak thru the clouds, how the air feels against your skin, the sound of running water in a fountain, your body sitting in a chair, etc.) keep saying “I’m aware of”….and allow yourself to become aware of everything you notice about the experience for 2 minutes. . You’ll be amazed how quickly you relax and unwind.
Rather than focusing on trying to connect or disconnect from your partner, it’s important to learn to breathe and reconnect with yourself first before taking any action.
If you find yourself stuck and frozen in your position… do this instead:
The more emotionally generous you are, the more love you feel. Accentuating the positive and acknowledging what is good in each other and in the relationship, has positive effects for both of you. When you let your partner know that you recognize his efforts, say thank you and express your gratitude, you help your partner feel recognized and appreciated and you help yourself value and receive what is being given to you on a deeper level.
When you find yourself anxious or upset about something your partner did or didn’t do, STOP and take a 15- 30 minute break with a specific goal to first release the anxiety and tension and reconnect with yourself BEFORE attempting any problem- solving ‘let’s fix this’ conversations.
Our ‘Buttons’ are issue-oriented sensitivity triggers that form in our earlier developmental stages. When pushed, our earlier wiring takes over and we may find ourselves reacting and behaving in ways that are heart breaking vs. heart waking. Your sensitivity, reactivity and level of frustration show you where your work is! Think of this as a great opportunity to look at and for your leftover or unresolved issues. Once you identify the button, it’s easier to change the behavioral responses because you’re no longer on automatic.
Spending quality time together is an essential ingredient to staying turned on and tuned into each other. Before rushing out the door in a frenzy, get up one hour earlier with your partner and have breakfast in bed, read an inspirational passage aloud, hold each other and whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears, go for an early walk, give each other a massage, make love, take a shower together.
This is a beautiful thought and way of being….“Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor… Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.” -Mother Theresa
Make small gestures, and make them often. The thoughtful little things we do for each other are like little dabs of superglue that bonds our partnership and fortifies our attachment.
No one gets tired of hearing how much they are loved. Often we assume our partner knows.
Love isn’t fattening or high in cholesterol so go ahead and be generous. There is no need to limit your dispensing or consumption of it.
Here’s your Prescription from Dr Sheri: Say “I love you” at least three times a day and mean it. Repeat every day of your relationship.
Underneath the dark shadows cast by fear, is the light of love. Look to see the LIGHT in yourself and in your partner. Connection is then close at hand.
Count your blessings. What you focus on gets magnified. Rather than focusing on what you don’t have, make a list of the things that you are grateful for in your life and channel your energy into creating what you do want in your life.
Choose your thoughts wisely. What you believe, you will perceive. Keep reaching for the BEST feeling thought you have about yourself. Good is always there, and it grows when you put your attention on it.
The theme of most power struggles is : How are we going to run our relationship.. your way or my way?
It’s me versus you; there’s no US in sight. In this polarized ‘right and wrong’ – “I win, you lose” battling— the real loser is the relationship.
Disengage by consciously choosing to take off your armor and lay down your sword. Ask yourself, “How would love respond?”
The more you love, accept, and invite ME as I am, the more I will open and reveal my true self.
We tell ourselves….“If this changes, then I’ll….” “when my fear goes away, then I’ll…., When my partner does x,y, or z, then I’ll…. This is bogus, you don’t need these things to be out of the way or changed in order to have what you want. Instead, ask yourself….Who am I going to be in this moment? Am I going to act out from freedom or limitation?
Where you put your attention, grows. The moment you sense DISHARMONY stop and ask yourself….Does this way of thinking serve me? If your current thinking does not serve or support your emotional or relationship health, shift your thinking on the spot. Begin to breathe in words like, ‘BALANCE’ ‘PEACE’ ‘LOVE’ ‘KINDNESS’ ‘CALM’ These thoughts will positively affect how you feel and perceive your world.
For a relationship to thrive it’s important to stay OPEN and in regular intimate contact with each other. This includes sharing both your wows and your woes.
Keep your conversation constructive vs. destructive.
Avoid blaming and the infamous button pushers…”You always”, “you never”, or “you should.”
Try to really hear your partner’s point of view. Don’t nod and pretend you’re listening, just waiting to jump in and make your argument.
Agree to disagree. You don’t have to change anybody’s mind. Just listen and recognize that there is a difference.
Hold onto the BIG PICTURE. Remember that you love your partner and that whatever the issue of contention, this too shall pass.
You know the ones I’m talking about. The low self esteem generated ‘Am I enough?’ inquiries. The ONLY ‘get out of jail’ answer is to meet and greet these questions with a loving, supportive, affirming response. For example: Am I fat? “You look beautiful to me.” Am I sexy? “ALWAYS, TOTALLY!” Am I balding? “I love you just as you are.”
Consider these questions a call for love and give abundantly.
In fact BODY LANGUAGE is just as important as spoken language when it comes to love relationships. Your partner’s words may say it’s OK, it’s settled, but their posture, bearing and expression may indicate disapproval or resentment. We not only need to say what we mean, we need to BE what we mean too.
Hold hands, take 3 deep breaths and smile into each other’s eyes. Take a moment to feel your whole body as it is. Profound moments can happen when you look deeply into each other’s eyes.
The best way to encourage your partner to open up and share is to be open to LISTEN and HEAR nondefensively what he or she has to say. Ask your partner what he or she needs. Encourage sharing by saying: “Tell me more.” Give feedback about what you heard them say.
Before building into an argument, or going on auto pilot when issues arise, it is wise to take a pause. Here’s how to take a PAUSE IN A HEALTHY WAY: “You gave me a lot to think about and look at. Can we talk later after I let it all settle in?” It’s important to make a definite plan to come back to talk about the issue again. This gives your partner the sense that anything can be discussed and will be considered and that you will return.
Here are 3 quick tips for steaming things up!
Disagreements can be helpful because they force us to stretch our perspective and leave our comfort zone. It’s easy to embrace each other when things are good, disagreements teach us about real love and acceptance in spite of our differences.
Whether you’re having a minor disagreement or a substantial argument, our brain’s logical left side gets overwhelmed as the emotional right side screams THREAT! and floods us with anxious stress chemicals and primal fight or flight directives. In a blink, you may feel separated and disconnected and see your partner as an adversary on a totally different team. If your instinct is to ‘turn and attack when aroused’ interrupt the cycle and allow a cool-down period. Reschedule another time to work on the problem, then get up and quietly leave with a promise to relax, re-center and return.
Listening well is the secret to having a really great conversation and effectively working through issues that arise.
Here are 3 quick tips.
“I don’t feel loved.” “I don’t feel connected.” “I don’t feel safe with you.” The longer we feel disconnected from each other, the more negative our interactions become. Underneath most distress calls are protests over our feeling emotionally disconnected from each other. The sooner you can address the true nature of your partner’s heart’s call, the quicker the return to love will be.
Here’s a simple truth: a relationship is what two people put into it. Just as your car needs gasoline and your body needs food, your intimate relationship needs daily LOVE DEPOSITS to keep it thriving and running well. Expressing love, honest communication, showing appreciation, having fun together is the fuel for a great relationship.
An event or situation only becomes a stressor because we see it as one. You have the power to change your perception.
It’s so easy to become complacent and take the little things our partner does for us for granted.
“Thanksliving” is gratitude in action.
Take this thanks-giving challenge.
Beginning now, notice and say thank you for the many acts of love, support, and thoughtfulness (big and small) your partner does for you and gives to you.
See if you can say 10 thank you’s today.
Often when we are in emotional distress we automatically fall back into primal survival patterns of response. Fight (criticize, push away), flight (get me out of here now!) or freeze (shut down, wall up). The next time this happens, pause, step back, take a few deep, conscious breaths and then do the exact opposite of what you FEEL like doing. For example, if you feeling like running….stay, take your partner’s hand and say, “I’m here for you and with you.” You can begin to literally rewire your brain and break through the automatic response patterns that no longer work for you or your relationship.
Every relationship obstacle you encounter has two ultimate outcomes: It can emphasize a feeling of separateness OR it can strengthen your sense of connection. Whatever the issue or impasse, this is an opportunity to keep choosing love over isolation and to lean IN vs. push AWAY. Even if it feels counter-intuitive…LEAN IN!
I am often asked, what is effective communication? It’s very simple. What you say to your partner is actually heard by your partner. Your message sent is the message received. Few experiences are more gratifying than expressing yourself, saying something that is deep and personal and having it heard and received by your partner. This fosters true intimacy.
Memorize these sentences and use them frequently! “Here I am.” “We’re a team.” “We can work this out.” “I’m IN! I’m not going anywhere.” “I’m here for you.” “What do you need?” “I’ll do my best to try to hear you and give you what you want.” “ I value you.” “You are important to me.” “What you think and feel matters to me.” “For me, there is no one but you.” “ I’m on your side.” “I’ll stand by you.” “WE can and will work it out.” “I love you.”
No matter how boiling, burning or bitter you feel, you must have an ironclad agreement with each other to not yell at or berate each other.
When you feel yourself raising your voice, STOP and tell yourself, “This will get me nowhere fast and will only make things worse.”
Take a time out. Breathe slow breaths. Burn off the energy. Wait to connect until a sense of inner peace and benevolence is restored.
When our partner is ‘activated’ it’s easy to get our buttons pushed and go off our own deep end. When the emotional waves get rough, it is vital that the least activated partner remain steady and hold onto the BIGGER RELATIONSHIP PICTURE. When your partner is drowning, throw your partner a life raft, don’t jump in and join him/her.
It is believed that about 93% of all communication is non verbal. On an emotional level, nonverbal communication answers the questions: “Are you listening?” and “Do you understand and care?” Are you safe? Do you really love me? Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we talk, listen, look, move and react.
Kisses are the food of love. A loving embrace of the lips. Wordlessly, kisses say many things.”Welcome home.” “I cherish you.” “I’m yours.” “I’m sorry.” ” I’m here for you.” A kiss can lift the level of the moment from barren and ordinary to loving and intimately extraordinary. So, kiss and BE KISSED regularly.
Try this….give your partner a 20 second kiss when they walk in the door or are leaving for the day.
A vast majority of our desire for love and sex occurs in the brain. What you tell yourself greatly impacts your level of desire. It’s time to change the mantra from “I’m too tired” into “I’m ready to be restored and renewed.” Even if you are spent and exhausted, touch each other for 5 minutes. Put your hands on each other, press yourself against your partner’s body, as if he/she were a battery that you could charge yourself up with. Your five senses, smell, sight, sound, taste, and touch are all vehicles to take you into deeper intimacy. Use them.
We each have our own special way that we feel loved. You may feel most loved when you’re held and told how much you are loved. For your partner, it may be through appreciation and gratitude. It’s important to KNOW your partner’s love language and speak to them in their language.
Disagreements can be helpful because they force us to stretch our perspective and leave our comfort zone. It’s easy to embrace each other when things are good, disagreements teach us about real love and acceptance in spite of our differences.
Shallow breathing is an automatic physical response to anxiety and also increases anxiety. When you are feeling uptight or anxious, you can consciously counteract it by slowing and deepening your breath. Inhale slowly counting to five. Exhale slowly counting to five. Calming your breath and allowing pauses between your inhalation and exhalation will have a direct calming effect on your mind and body.
You can’t change the fact that a stressful event occurred but you can change how you interpret and respond to this event. Try looking beyond the present circumstance to a better and more positive future outcome.
It’s called sensual for a reason! Use every sense (smell, sight, sound, taste, and touch) to inspire, uplift and experience your partner anew.
Be creative, curious and a little daring. Think out of your normal ‘box.’
Try eliminating one sense (i.e blindfold your partner) while you increase another (i.e. touch: Use an unusual part of your body such as your cheek, arm, or hair to caress every part of your partner’s body).
Most importantly, have fun!
Let love emanate for you—not in reaction to anything. BE the love you want to receive.
When your partner is upset
Do you know 3 or 4 things that will help your partner calm down, feel safe, and feel most loved? Do you know what soothes your partner?
Knowing ahead of time the particular statement that connects with your lover’s heart, a certain move or touch that immediately soothes, not only repairs old bonding injuries but also deepens true intimacy and trust.
\Experiment with textures and touch by stroking your partner’s body with assorted items, a silk scarf, a feather, a piece of fur. Touch each other without using your hands. You can touch with any part of your body, your hair, your feet, your arms.
Give attention to the small-stuff problems as they arise because they usually need small-stuff solutions: a loving gesture, an acknowledgement, a brief discussion, an easy compromise, an apology. The small stuff has a way of mounting up and becoming BIG when unaddressed. Don’t WAIT until it turns into a larger than life drama. Check IN and fix it while it’s still a ‘boo boo.’
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In today’s technology-driven world, it’s shockingly easy to slide down the slippery slope from an innocent “friendship” to a full-blown affair.
The brain chemicals released from merely exchanging online flirtations can be as addictive as drugs and can very quickly lead to an affair.
IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP VULNERABLE?
